The instant I have processed the sound

my heart disappears in a hole

cold and empty like outer space

and I know this is bad

 

very

very

bad

 

The smoke alarm screams at 3 am

doing it’s designed duty except

now it cries for my son

dead not 20 feet away

 

very

very

bad

 

“Multiple calls, flames showing”

2 am Christmas Day

this alarm has no battery, no life

and neither do Dad and 3 children

 

very

very

bad

 

“A plane has flown into the World Trade Center”

rush to a TV, CNN live, a picture of smoke and flame

the firefighter in me thinks

they will lose that building, that sudden hell

 

very

very

bad

 

the temple loudspeaker summons the neighborhood

a new word I can’t translate from Thai: tsunami

but the screams, the sobs, the horror on the faces

tells me family, tells me friends, are dead

 

very

very

bad

 

the cold space is bigger now

and never quite goes away

icy fingers in my heart, a vacuum in my spirit

I will survive