Twenty-two pieces of junk mail this morning. Fourteen were Viagra or Viagra substitutes. Some certified doctor ready and waiting at the other end to hand you a prescription if you've ever seen a naked girl and not stood at attention within thirty seconds. The manufacturer certainly must know what's going on. There are billions of these pills flooding the market. But the reason I bring this up is that it all leads me to wonder if there's going to be a huge baby boom as a result. Would be an interesting little statistic to watch.

Lady sold me her dad's banjo. He died. Hadn't played it in a quarter century or so. No, nothing vintage - just a cheap old banjo. Then my eyes widened. A genuine tortoise shell pick? Could it be? They were the best, but banned from import during the first environmental movement in the 70's. To me, it would be worth more than the banjo. Alas, not this time. It was a good imitation though. Much better than the modern imitations. Back then, people still remembered how turtle picks felt. Nowadays they only remember what they used to look like. Oh well. I still have one genuine tortoise shell pick. Hand carved. Don't ask me where I got it. I might just have to take the fifth.

After ranting yesterday about McSoft's new outhouse venture, it suddenly dawned on me... I want some Microsoft toilet paper. I'll buy a whole bunch. Don't care what's written on it. Poetic justice indeed... Hope they aren't those horrible wax-paper-like smeary wipes like they use in outhouses.