18 months later. I still have flashbacks….

The ‘dorothy houses’, homes that floated into the road, and the unreality that sets in when you drive around one.

The flat concrete slab, and alongside the road, the pole that used to hold the Waffle House sign. No sign, just pole. Shock and awe.

Talking with the man who required medication to stay out of the manic spiral that would lead him to kill himself one day. The pharmacy with his prescription floated away. The other pharmacies too, are gone. He can’t find a doctor to write new scrip. It’s only a matter of time now.

Looking into eyes filled with despair. Seeing reflections of family lost and gone forever. Hope is fading just as quickly, now that the bureaucrats have come to take charge. Will the red tape ever stop? Will I live to see an end to my suffering?

Returning to a hotel room, climbing several flights of stairs because the elevators are still out. Thankful there’s air conditioning, even if it smells of mold. Tub still fills with brown water, drawing a bath will have to wait until another day. Lay down on the bed still in my dirty clothes, too tired to care. Anderson Cooper cries on tv, just miles from where I lay. Because he cries, I don’t have to. One less thing to tax my dwindling energy, one less thing to do.

John Lee Hooker, “Don’t Look Back” fits my mood. Mournful. Pleading: “So many people tryin’ to live on in the past, no good….”. I can’t hear it now without returning to driving along streets still barely passable two months later, through neighborhoods reduced to piles of shattered wood and stucco. Pop-up canopies to shade and little else, but those same canopies are all that create order in this chaos that used to be real people with real lives and loves, cares and plans and laughter. And family. In the end, that’s what you miss, what you regret, what you only, truly, lose. Family.

I wasn’t there for Katrina, just the aftermath and only for a few months at that. Biloxi, you will always be in my heart. Someday, I’ll come back and help some more. But for now, I still feel you every day.