There's the guy on the East Coast who is the latest to find a finger in his food. This time there's no question whose finger it was. A worker lost it earlier that evening and it landed in a container of custard. Should this latest finger-finder be able to claim a huge emotional trauma award? I wouldn't give him a penny. Why? Because he didn't give the finger back! That would've been the right thing to do. There is a window of opportunity where it can possibly be re-attached, but instead he kept it as proof of his ordeal. It's now in hiding. Look, I respect the weirdness of what's happened, but this isn't finders-keepers. It isn't a set of keys or a C-note. It's a body part that belongs to somebody.

Got the first inquiry on the Gibson SG since I pulled it from the window. You still have it?, he asked. Oh yeah, there in the back. Wait - is that the same one? It looks different... Yeah, I re-finished it. He looked like he was going to cry. Why on earth would you do something like that? Isn't that like an original '70 SG Standard? Yup. And it doesn't matter why. It is no longer for sale. But... but I wanted that guitar! And now you've ruined it. Dude, get a grip. This isn't a museum. You could've bought it any time in the last three years for the cheapest price on the planet for that make and model. What difference does it make what color it is now? You didn't buy it. It isn't yours. In fact, the original finish was horrible. And the neck was too fat. I reshaped it. The bridge sucked. I replaced it. It's a much better guitar now, but it doesn't matter because it isn't for sale. You missed the boat. You can't have it. Get over it.