Apparently the Iraqis aren't fighting by the rules. I'm shocked - shocked that they might resort to subterfuge and tactics which were banned by civilized nations for use in warfare. And apparently this is making it much harder to kill them. C'mon guys, pretty please? Just let us kill you head on, because that's the civilized way.

And why haven't they given up yet? Haven't we told them every day to just give up? Geez, you think they're not listening?

Today the long march of ground troops is slowed by a sandstorm. The Pentagon is saying that it's OK, because the other guys can't fight in a sandstorm either. 'Squeez' me? These guys live in a sandstorm, most of the time. And to top it off, they've got Kalishnikovs. We got M-16s. You can take a Kalishnikov and throw it in the mud, run over it with a tank and still shoot it. A piece of sand not much bigger than a red ants' chin will make an M-16 jam almost every time. I hear they've improved them a bit since the Vietnam conflict, but they're a very precision weapon. Very tight tolerances on the gaps in the metal. And they jam constantly around sand. You have to keep a baggie over the end and still clean it out every couple of hours. I know. I had M-16 school in Seaside. Pow, pow, click. Clear it. Pow, pow, click. Clear it again. On a good day you could get maybe eight shots before it jammed. But it always jammed.

We were also told that apparently there's a red line on a map somewhere and that the Iraq army has permission to use weapons of mass destruction if we cross those lines. Uhm, what's the source of this info? Oh, intelligence reports. Right. To quote Cheney, "Chatter". Uhm, would this be reliable chatter or unreliable chatter? He's not saying. That more or less answers the question.

But it's good to hear that all those millions of dollars we spent training dolphins is paying off - as they help us locate mines in the waterways. We could've done the same thing without spending so much money. Just throw a bunch of dolphins in the water and before long they'll be bumping into the things and setting them off. Or maybe that's exactly what they did and we're just getting more propoganda. Look, you guys are powerless against us - we've got trained dolphins; ferpetesake. We make the sky rain precision bombs. What've you got? Only a bunch of nerve gas. How freaking primitive.